Akon is the MAN!!!!!

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That smile says it all, dudn’t it?

Look, anyone who knows anything about quality journalism knows that we break and report on all the top stories. This particular story, ie, Akon freaking the dog sh*t out of a 14 year old girl…mayne, that was too racy for us. I mean if Trick loves the kids, then you know Lake does too.. At any rate, Akon was getting a lot of flack for messing with young chicks, namely this alleged 14 year old, but now they’re saying she’s 19. Um, to put the phrase lightly, GAME ON. But I couldn’t really figure it out why they were mad at A-previous-Konvict who might have an eye for the young and restless… well there is this pic with certificed 16 year old recording artist Jo Jo that might provide a bit of a hint:

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And now there’s this one of him and the Trinidadian girl in question:

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Please note the cupped hands, flying J’s and look of glee on the face of the “victim”.. I mean, hey, this “assault” looks like an Easter egg hunt compared to what Uncle Luke used to pull back in the days. Anyway, Akon, your music is so so, I mean, some of it’s catchy.. But I love how you get after these h*oes. You are relentless and if the reports of your multiple wives is true, you’re really a playa from the upper Himalayas….or Africa.. Which might be the same thing, I was never too good geography.

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Look, Trini (and Tobago) got the Prime Minister talking about this like it’s a matter of national security, meanwhile, this chick is clearly either a certified freak or a freak in the making. Either way, keep your young arse off Akon’s stage! And your pops, picured bottom left, dude, what are you complaining about? It’s your fault your girl is in the streets, rolling around on stage with Akon and putting shady pictures all over the web!

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It’s not Akon’s fault!!!! If ole girl would stop enticing him with her flying J game, zero clothing and young supple skin he wouldn’t have had a problem. Come on now. Akon has like 3 wives and 7 main h*oes, if you don’t want to be number 8, stop filing out the application. Stop wearing the pro uniform. Leave Akon alone. He aint hurting nobody who don’t wanna be hurt.

And Trinidad, come on now, I love your nation (and that Parade yall do in DC) but doesn’t your PM have matters that are more pressing on his plate than some teenager gone wild with a studio thug? Why not commission a Trinidadian bobsled team, you know, something important.

And by the way, the US of A owns your soccer team. Thanks for coming.

One Response to “Akon is the MAN!!!!!”

  1. anonomous Says:

    i think the pic of akon jojo and paula danda was editied b/c the skin tones dont evn blend and then the pic of him when he was dry humping th “19-y/o” his skin was darker too

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